Being an artist isn’t necessarily a choice that makes for a successful career. There are only so many jobs. Most artists work freelance or work under contract. In between jobs there is a lot of insecurity and the need to find other work to fill in the gaps. Stability is needed in order to be creative. If your life is in flux you won’t have the time, energy or resources to truly devote yourself to a project. A good or great artist is not always a financially successful artist. I used to identify as a “liberal” or a progressive but as I got older and moved to America my politics moved more to the left as I saw the gap between what was being provided and what was needed.
For me being an artist and being a leftist are tied together. While I need to eat and pay bills and buy clothes and have somewhere to live; what I want to do is make art for other people to enjoy. Becoming a successful artist is a one in a million chance. I am definitely not smart enough to think of how we can rearrange our industry so every writer, filmmaker, visual artist, sound artist etc… can make enough money off their work in order to survive. But I can think of ways that we can reorganise our society so that it won’t matter how much money an artist makes off their work.
I believe art is for the people and that art should be as free or as cheap as possible and that it should be widely available. There is no distinction of high and low art. The effect of seeing Shakespeare on the West End can be as impactful as a group of experienced players doing Shakespeare in the park. Yes some art is of higher quality than others, but no art is necessarily worth more monetarily once time and effort has been put in. Art must be accessible or else it is just a vanity project. We all have the right to have access to all the art that has been created, not just the art that is in our price range.
At the same time I believe that the time and effort put into the art, and the training needed to get to that level, deserve compensation. So many times artists joke about dying from ‘exposure’ but it’s true. We all have the same bills, we all need to eat, we all get sick, and we all have the right to have those needs met.
We all need somewhere to live which is why I believe in guaranteed housing. If you don’t have a safe place to live, don’t have secure housing, or have to work longer hours or a second job in order to afford housing then you do not have the time or energy to create art. People like to talk about artists making great art despite adversity. That is true. But no one can make great art if they do not have a place to work, and sleep, and feel safe.
We all need clothes and to eat which is why I believe in Universal Basic Income. Some leftists prefer a jobs guarantee, but I think because of the project based nature of an artist’s work I don’t believe this would work. Instead I prefer UBI because it guarantees a certain amount of income, which would guarantee a certain amount of free time to work on individual projects. Then any additional income I earn can be used on my work or on things I want to buy, not things I need to live.
We all get sick so I believe in single payer healthcare. Private health insurance is exorbitantly expensive, and many artists are freelancers or contract workers and so do not qualify for employer health insurance. Single payer healthcare would ensure everyone could get good healthcare. No one would be vulnerable if they get sick, if they have a mental illness, if they get into an accident, or for any of the myriad of other reasons that someone would need to access good healthcare. Removing the expense and stress of paying for healthcare would free up more time, money, and brain space in order to work and create.
Beyond the individual benefits though we all live in a shared community. We are only as strong as our most vulnerable members. When someone is vulnerable they can create art, but they will not have the same ability to work on and share that art as when they are secure in their basic needs. It’s our job as a community to provide security.
Sunday, 12 April 2020
Wednesday, 18 March 2020
Horse Girl, A Review
Content warning notice for suicide and spoilers for the film.
Horse Girl, what do I say about Horse Girl? The R Rating scared me so much. But honestly, I say it was alright. I knew from the get go it couldn’t hold up to the sheer feral energy of the trailer, let alone the feral energy of the title. The beginning is a little weak. Details about the main character’s life are a little vague or poorly explained. Still we get a good sense of the characters, the nerdy and shy main, her cooler but nice roommate, the kind of douchebag roommates bf, the also nerdy bf’s roommate, the motherly coworker. The Netflix Staples*. Sara’s a nerd whose obsession with a paranormal TV show (starring Matthew Gray Gubler, my dude) and crafts are a coping mechanism she develops after her mother’s tragic suicide. She’s just trying find herself and love at the same time.After the set up, the movie quickly shifts to a psychological horror where Sara has to figure out if the bizarre events happening are real or in her head. Sara has visions while she sleeps, she sleepwalks, and she keeps losing time. And none of it has anything to do with horses.
The movie picks up a lot in the second half. It might have been a little bit of the time sunk cost but I was getting into it. The film maintains the level of tension of suspense throughout the rising action and Alison Brie is a talented enough actress to manage Sara’s increasing strangeness without alienating the audience. While there were no real standout side characters the film is ultimately Sara’s story, and it is a compelling story. We follow Sara through the conspiracy theories and her devolving mental state. The plot threads culminate into a believable story. It’s an intriguing conspiracy theory that lost me at some points but carried me to the end. And in the end in it turns out the conspiracy really was real. Aliens have been abducting Sara and they carry her away one last time. But still nothing to do with horses.
There is a horse in the movie and a subplot related to the horse. Sara used to own a horse named Willow and has a best friend called Heather who she used to ride horses with. Heather suffers a traumatic accident in their youth while riding that leaves her brain damaged. Losing her horse may also be vaguely connected to her mother to committed suicide not too sure. Sara clearly has a deep emotional connection to her horse, she even brings Willow with her when she allows the aliens to abduct her again at the end of the film. But really the horse is just extra stuff in the film. We don’t even get an explanation for why she sold Willow or how long it’s been since she owned Willow. The horse in Horse Girl is just an extra thing that takes space away from what could have been used for story telling elsewhere.
*this movie isn’t a Netflix original; Netflix bought the distribution rights. Still it seems like Netflix has a type.
Horse Girl, what do I say about Horse Girl? The R Rating scared me so much. But honestly, I say it was alright. I knew from the get go it couldn’t hold up to the sheer feral energy of the trailer, let alone the feral energy of the title. The beginning is a little weak. Details about the main character’s life are a little vague or poorly explained. Still we get a good sense of the characters, the nerdy and shy main, her cooler but nice roommate, the kind of douchebag roommates bf, the also nerdy bf’s roommate, the motherly coworker. The Netflix Staples*. Sara’s a nerd whose obsession with a paranormal TV show (starring Matthew Gray Gubler, my dude) and crafts are a coping mechanism she develops after her mother’s tragic suicide. She’s just trying find herself and love at the same time.After the set up, the movie quickly shifts to a psychological horror where Sara has to figure out if the bizarre events happening are real or in her head. Sara has visions while she sleeps, she sleepwalks, and she keeps losing time. And none of it has anything to do with horses.
There is a horse in the movie and a subplot related to the horse. Sara used to own a horse named Willow and has a best friend called Heather who she used to ride horses with. Heather suffers a traumatic accident in their youth while riding that leaves her brain damaged. Losing her horse may also be vaguely connected to her mother to committed suicide not too sure. Sara clearly has a deep emotional connection to her horse, she even brings Willow with her when she allows the aliens to abduct her again at the end of the film. But really the horse is just extra stuff in the film. We don’t even get an explanation for why she sold Willow or how long it’s been since she owned Willow. The horse in Horse Girl is just an extra thing that takes space away from what could have been used for story telling elsewhere.
*this movie isn’t a Netflix original; Netflix bought the distribution rights. Still it seems like Netflix has a type.
Wednesday, 11 March 2020
Parasite vs. Joker
It’s coming this Sunday the biggest matchup of the past year, 2019 or 2020, some period of time this is what it’s building to, the showdown, the head to head, the fight of the the century the- where was I going with this again?
Oh yes: Parasite vs. Joker. Both are films marketed about being anticapitalist parables dealing with inherent violence our current system inflicts upon the lower class. Exactly my kind of movie. Both films are frontrunners at this Sunday’s Oscars and they are competing in most of the categories. Parasite has 6 nominations (and was disgracefully not nominated in any of the acting categories while Joker has 11 nominations. Both films are also up against each other in the big one: Best Picture.
Or that’s what I was going to start with but then I thought three blogs in three days was a bit much, let me see how the Oscars will play out. 1917 would probably win anyway. Boy am I glad I waited!
I screamed, I almost cried, I’m still riding this high all these days after.
Still I want to ask the question: are these two films really doing the same thing? While both films involve elements of class warfare I think that Parasite has a more effective way of interrogating the structures that make up the world that the characters live in. Joker had some good moments for me but fell flat because I ultimately couldn’t feel the film pushing towards anything. What Arthur Fleck was fighting against never felt clear, and I never felt like he was fighting for something only against. With the Kims I was on their side from the beginning and I never turned against it, no matter what they did until the bitter end*.
I could do a whole breakdown looking at one film vs. the other but the core of why I think Parasite is a better and more effective movie than Joker comes down to how the different directors frame their narratives. Bong Joon Ho focuses on families and communities while Joker only really ever focuses on the individual.
Spoilers from here on out folks.
In Parasite we follow three families, the Kims, the Parks, and the housekeeper and her husband. All of them are tightly night and invested in the success of their family above all others. They’re not essentially cruel or harmful, there is not just room for them to care about the impact of their actions beyond their immediate family. The system they live in is not set up for them to care about other people.
The Kims systematically remove every other working member of the household. The working class fights amongst themselves while the upper class, the Parks, remain intact and blissfully oblivious of the power struggle going on within their home as long as their lifestyle is maintained. Family trumps class solidarity in the film. The Kim’s come head to head with Moon gwang and her husband during the films dramatic twist that destroys both families. Ki-taek, the Kim patriarch, kills the father of the Park family. The dramatic violence ends but not much changes. A new family moves into the Park home and Ki-taek takes the place of Moon Gwang’s husband living under the house and off the scraps of the rich family above him.
Throughout the events of the film and the Kim’s soaring flight upwards and their dramatic descent downwards my loyalty to them never wavered. I can absolve them of the bad things they did but they didn’t do it for just themselves, and they didn’t do it alone. Bong Joon Ho’s characters have a sharpness of purpose and a deliberateness to their actions. Their drive is simple, to help themselves and the people they care about. That drive is their salvation and their destruction. You cannot advance without throwing someone else out, you cannot protect without someone else’s destruction.
Arthur Fleck exists in isolation. Phillip’s Gotham is a city in decline where everything is bad for everyone. The story we follow is of one man who’s neglect by society make him more and more disillusioned with the world around him. Arthur is a working class white man. He suffers from a mental disability and his mother is chronically ill. We do get to see how the city’s decline affects other people in Gotham. We get glimpses of them, single black mothers, black social security workers, harassed young female professionals, gangs of disillusioned kids. We never see what they are or what they want. They are props to show how bad life in the city is or to prop up Arthur’s own feeling of abandonment and disillusionment. Arthur’s villains are as one dimensional as his allies. I can’t hate Thomas Wayne and the capitalist oligarchy he represents because I don’t know him. All I know is that he has been personally disrespectful to Arthur. The same with all of Arthur’s enemies. By the end of the film Arthur’s main enemies are hospitalised or dead, and he is somehow the leader of a massive protest movement. But Arthur stands for nothing. Other than personal offense or neglect there is no reason for Fleck’s hatred or for the wider movement. I don’t believe that the film needed a wider message. Joaquin Phoenix does a phenomenal job of portraying a man who’s mental stability is in serious decline and is socially isolated from the rest of the world. That performance undermines the big movement Joker inspires at the end. The lonely misanthrope cannot be the leader of large movement and his anger is too unfocused to let us know what we are fighting against except our personal dislikes. And if that’s the case there isn’t anything separating Arthur from the rich and famous he hates except money.
Bong Joon Ho and Todd Phillips have statements in their work that almost answer each other.
Arthur states that “I used to think my life was a tragedy, now I realise it’s a comedy.”
Bong, in his director’s statement says, “ Parasite is a tragedy without villains and a comedy without clowns”
Philips’ is still working within the conventions of a system while Bong is working without them. Phillips creates a false send of agency in his system by making his protagonist the star of the story. No matter what kind of story its focus is Arthur. Bong’s families are all equally without power in the world of Parasite, being propelled upward to others detriment and downward to others benefit. The system is the most powerful and we are all subject to it. Parasite’s message is more powerful because of its focus, the film’s message cuts like a knife in your heart then sends you tumbling down deep into its depths.
So that’s why, at least for me, Parasite is a better, more impactful film than Joker. I feel the connections of family that inspire aspirations of greatness, even as the system keeps us down.
*Bong Joon Ho has a real talent for making films about people doing horrible things but they are still likable.
Oh yes: Parasite vs. Joker. Both are films marketed about being anticapitalist parables dealing with inherent violence our current system inflicts upon the lower class. Exactly my kind of movie. Both films are frontrunners at this Sunday’s Oscars and they are competing in most of the categories. Parasite has 6 nominations (and was disgracefully not nominated in any of the acting categories while Joker has 11 nominations. Both films are also up against each other in the big one: Best Picture.
Or that’s what I was going to start with but then I thought three blogs in three days was a bit much, let me see how the Oscars will play out. 1917 would probably win anyway. Boy am I glad I waited!
I screamed, I almost cried, I’m still riding this high all these days after.
Still I want to ask the question: are these two films really doing the same thing? While both films involve elements of class warfare I think that Parasite has a more effective way of interrogating the structures that make up the world that the characters live in. Joker had some good moments for me but fell flat because I ultimately couldn’t feel the film pushing towards anything. What Arthur Fleck was fighting against never felt clear, and I never felt like he was fighting for something only against. With the Kims I was on their side from the beginning and I never turned against it, no matter what they did until the bitter end*.
I could do a whole breakdown looking at one film vs. the other but the core of why I think Parasite is a better and more effective movie than Joker comes down to how the different directors frame their narratives. Bong Joon Ho focuses on families and communities while Joker only really ever focuses on the individual.
Spoilers from here on out folks.
In Parasite we follow three families, the Kims, the Parks, and the housekeeper and her husband. All of them are tightly night and invested in the success of their family above all others. They’re not essentially cruel or harmful, there is not just room for them to care about the impact of their actions beyond their immediate family. The system they live in is not set up for them to care about other people.
The Kims systematically remove every other working member of the household. The working class fights amongst themselves while the upper class, the Parks, remain intact and blissfully oblivious of the power struggle going on within their home as long as their lifestyle is maintained. Family trumps class solidarity in the film. The Kim’s come head to head with Moon gwang and her husband during the films dramatic twist that destroys both families. Ki-taek, the Kim patriarch, kills the father of the Park family. The dramatic violence ends but not much changes. A new family moves into the Park home and Ki-taek takes the place of Moon Gwang’s husband living under the house and off the scraps of the rich family above him.
Throughout the events of the film and the Kim’s soaring flight upwards and their dramatic descent downwards my loyalty to them never wavered. I can absolve them of the bad things they did but they didn’t do it for just themselves, and they didn’t do it alone. Bong Joon Ho’s characters have a sharpness of purpose and a deliberateness to their actions. Their drive is simple, to help themselves and the people they care about. That drive is their salvation and their destruction. You cannot advance without throwing someone else out, you cannot protect without someone else’s destruction.
Arthur Fleck exists in isolation. Phillip’s Gotham is a city in decline where everything is bad for everyone. The story we follow is of one man who’s neglect by society make him more and more disillusioned with the world around him. Arthur is a working class white man. He suffers from a mental disability and his mother is chronically ill. We do get to see how the city’s decline affects other people in Gotham. We get glimpses of them, single black mothers, black social security workers, harassed young female professionals, gangs of disillusioned kids. We never see what they are or what they want. They are props to show how bad life in the city is or to prop up Arthur’s own feeling of abandonment and disillusionment. Arthur’s villains are as one dimensional as his allies. I can’t hate Thomas Wayne and the capitalist oligarchy he represents because I don’t know him. All I know is that he has been personally disrespectful to Arthur. The same with all of Arthur’s enemies. By the end of the film Arthur’s main enemies are hospitalised or dead, and he is somehow the leader of a massive protest movement. But Arthur stands for nothing. Other than personal offense or neglect there is no reason for Fleck’s hatred or for the wider movement. I don’t believe that the film needed a wider message. Joaquin Phoenix does a phenomenal job of portraying a man who’s mental stability is in serious decline and is socially isolated from the rest of the world. That performance undermines the big movement Joker inspires at the end. The lonely misanthrope cannot be the leader of large movement and his anger is too unfocused to let us know what we are fighting against except our personal dislikes. And if that’s the case there isn’t anything separating Arthur from the rich and famous he hates except money.
Bong Joon Ho and Todd Phillips have statements in their work that almost answer each other.
Arthur states that “I used to think my life was a tragedy, now I realise it’s a comedy.”
Bong, in his director’s statement says, “ Parasite is a tragedy without villains and a comedy without clowns”
Philips’ is still working within the conventions of a system while Bong is working without them. Phillips creates a false send of agency in his system by making his protagonist the star of the story. No matter what kind of story its focus is Arthur. Bong’s families are all equally without power in the world of Parasite, being propelled upward to others detriment and downward to others benefit. The system is the most powerful and we are all subject to it. Parasite’s message is more powerful because of its focus, the film’s message cuts like a knife in your heart then sends you tumbling down deep into its depths.
So that’s why, at least for me, Parasite is a better, more impactful film than Joker. I feel the connections of family that inspire aspirations of greatness, even as the system keeps us down.
*Bong Joon Ho has a real talent for making films about people doing horrible things but they are still likable.
Friday, 7 February 2020
Horse Girl A Primal Response/Horse A Girl
I had not seen the Horse Girl trailer when I wrote the Dolphin Girls blog. In my heart of hearts I never dreamed such a thing could exist. I thought we had too much respect for each other and too much fear of God to cross the thin line in fiction based on girlhood exceptions. I underestimated the human desire to open doors that should never have been opened.
I don’t think the Horse Girl trailer is bad, and I don’t think that Horse Girl is necessarily going to be a bad movie. I can’t think anything about it because as soon as I start watching the trailer my body goes into fight or flight mode: I break out into a cold sweat, my heart starts pounding, and my mouth tastes like metal. I can’t tell what response Horse Girl is supposed to provoke in me but that’s the one it does. Is Horse Girl a psychological thriller? Is the main character actually turning into a horse? Is the whole plot just the horse thing? Did she like horses before? Why are horses so scary?
Co--Star called me a d-list horse girl so I am uniquely qualified for this. Not only I am a horse girl I’m so much of a niche horse girl that I can’t even be marketed to the masses.
Let’s break down this trailer for a minute.
At first very normal film about an average awkward girl called Sarah struggling romantically and socially.Very much the foundation for a movie about a former horse girl rediscovering her passions and deciding she doesn’t care what people think. That’s not the direction they decided to go in. We’re in familiar territory when we get that shot of her looking at herself in her car mirror. Something isn’t right.
Aww she’s got a dead mom and ohhh she’s got a horse that she visits that’s cute. Maybe the mom died while riding/used to be an equestrian or loved horses too? I don’t think so.
Debbie Ryan is also here and her Disney Channel persona used to give me serious Horse Girl vibes. Look at her being a good friend and hooking up her roommate*. Maybe he’s into horses too?
But then her nose starts to bleed. And here’s the tone shift. Music cuts, the camera angle shifts and we get thrown off kilter as well. After this point the trailer is giving me more questions than I think the movie can answer. Clearly there are some links between inheritance and family (with a grandmother who looks eerily similar to Sarah, mental health and possible animal transformation. But how do the horses fit in? There are so many horses in this trailer but I don’t know what they mean. I don’t know what the dressmaking means either and I’m not sure which scares me more.
Wait no I do, it’s the horses.
This movie has an R rating and I don’t know what that means for my future. Don’t be mistaken I will be watching this movie. Nothing can stop me from watching this movie. I don’t know who I will be after watching this movie. So look forward in the future to seeing my review of Horse Girl by Jeff Baena
Is it this the thirteenth year but with horses? Is this cat people but with horses?
*someone get me one of those NetflixTM roommates so I can get my life back on track.
Thursday, 6 February 2020
Dolphin Girls, A Blog
Eee! Eee eee EeeeEEE! That’s dolphin for nothing at all. Books and media for young girls teach them the language, personalities and facts they need to memorise in order to be categorised for their obsession for the tween*-early teen years. Who makes these decisions? Does it matter? Everyone talks about horse girls, they get all the press. Mermaid girls and fairy girls are the next most popular, but there are so many others that go under the radar. There are history girls, book girls, science girls, tv girls, I know it sounds like I’m just listing things and the word girls after it but it’s true. There are probably more different types of girls even since I was a girl.
The obsession paints the walls of your bedroom and your life, defines your friend groups and becomes the weird facts you spew out when you are drunk in your early twenties. But there is one group of girls I don’t think gets paid enough attention to. Dolphin girls. Because really, what the fuck?
Dolphins, the horses of the sea. Smooth bois that slip through the ways and into the hearts and minds of many young girls. Dolphins have gotten their own branded products, films, tv shows, books, probably other stuff that I don’t want to delve into right now. And it’s still really weird. Unlike horses you can’t own or ride a dolphin no matter what Hollywood tells you. For one thing they just have entirely too many teeth. I found this out to my terror as a child. Unlike fairies or mermaids they aren’t mythical, they don’t necessarily speak to a sense of magic or adventure. And while dolphins are good at swimming and jumping real high they cannot braid your hair and their voices are shrill above or below the water.
But I didn’t come here to share a bunch of dolphin hatred. Honestly I’d forgotten dolphin girls existed, or that I kind of was one for a hot minute I remembered about dolphins when I stumbled onto a mid 2000’s book called The Music of Dolphins.
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| An environment girl. She loves the environment so much she’s trying to like save it? Or something wild like that. |
The obsession paints the walls of your bedroom and your life, defines your friend groups and becomes the weird facts you spew out when you are drunk in your early twenties. But there is one group of girls I don’t think gets paid enough attention to. Dolphin girls. Because really, what the fuck?
Dolphins, the horses of the sea. Smooth bois that slip through the ways and into the hearts and minds of many young girls. Dolphins have gotten their own branded products, films, tv shows, books, probably other stuff that I don’t want to delve into right now. And it’s still really weird. Unlike horses you can’t own or ride a dolphin no matter what Hollywood tells you. For one thing they just have entirely too many teeth. I found this out to my terror as a child. Unlike fairies or mermaids they aren’t mythical, they don’t necessarily speak to a sense of magic or adventure. And while dolphins are good at swimming and jumping real high they cannot braid your hair and their voices are shrill above or below the water.
But I didn’t come here to share a bunch of dolphin hatred. Honestly I’d forgotten dolphin girls existed, or that I kind of was one for a hot minute I remembered about dolphins when I stumbled onto a mid 2000’s book called The Music of Dolphins.
This book combines the 2000’s obsession with weird science concepts and categorising girlhood. A young girl has been raised by dolphins is caught by scientists studying feral children. For a while it seems like she will be able to rejoin human society but she reverts and is sent back to live with her dolphin family. It’s interesting to see these books now that National Geographic has taught me what I know now about dolphins and their social behaviour which I am kindly not sharing today. This book, and all others of its ilk create and intimate relationship between girlhood and its subject. Being a girl is inseparable from being a part of the world of categorisation and doom to any attempt to separate the girls. Choice is often a factor in these stories as well. While the girls may have an evil stepfamily, or a prophecy, or a stolen friend bringing them into the world they want to be there. The girls have a point where they could walk away and they never do. Instead while the world remakes them in their image, they remake the world in their image.
I wasn’t as into dolphins as I was into other things like mermaids and obscure facts. I watched some movies, I read some books but they never really caught my heart. Except for these fat fuckers who I think are actually porpoises:
But I guess dolphin girls are just like the rest of us, just trying to figure out what we like and what really means something to us. The deep defining obsession of girlhood is really to figure out who you are as for the first time of your life one stage ends and another one begins.
*Does anyone even use the word tween anymore?
Monday, 25 July 2016
Binge Watching II
So if you follow me on Twitter you may or may not know that I am slightly obsessed with the Property Brothers*. I have reached that stage in where whenever I walk around my house or any house really, I mentally look around and decided what to change to add value or what has been to improve the space. I’ve seen their Youtube videos and their Vines. I’ve watch random interview videos because I was bored.
The Property Brothers show is one of those that is easy to binge watch for two reasons. One the hosts are likeable and fun to watch, plus their easy on the eyes.
[meat in property brothers sandwich gif]
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| Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDRnuCNkvQo |
Two (for me especially) there are no real stakes. The show’s formulaic: They buy a house to renovate, some drama comes up, the house is perfect. You know how it’s going to end and you’re just in it to look at pretty pictures of houses. I didn’t get a job till about halfway through the summer which meant I spent my time home either Helping around the house or Watching Property Brothers**. Since we don’t have USA network anymore I think Property Brothers are on more than Law and Order: SVU. Plus I don’t understand how they film so much, Brother vs. Brother just ended and now a new season of Property Brothers: Buying and Selling is coming out
Watching so much Property Brothers has given me some good career insight:
- Good Branding is crucial. Make sure what you do and who you are is recognisable
- Audience engagement brings whatever it is you’re doing to life
- Flannel=win
*Jonathan’s my favourite
**Writing nearly made the list.
Wednesday, 20 July 2016
Accepting your ugly
Most of the body positivity movement centres on on loving your body unconditionally. You should love your body and they ways you are uniquely beautiful.* But the truth of the matter is you can’t be happy with your boy 100% of the time. You can love your body all the time (or try to) but you can’t be happy with it all of the time.
Part of me learning to love my body was learning to accept my ugly. To accept the days where I looked in mirror and thought “Nope.” When I was puffy and bloated, when I broke out and when my hair looked like a black mass about to consume my head. I learned to live with days where I the image of me in my head did not match with reality.
You will not think you look perfect 100% of the time. It’s impossible. You will have days where you look in the mirror and think “Why does my face look like a beach ball?” I had to learn to accept this about my body. I had to learn to sink into my own skin and embrace it every day. Accepting my ugly days was freeing. It let me take the pressure off myself, i no longer had to match the idea of my ideal self in my head. I just had to be me.
I still have days where accepting my body is hard. I have days where I look in the mirror and think “Why do I look gross? You were fine 2 hours ago?”** But I’m cool with it. I move on. I lie down in my bed and chill out watching Property Brother in my PJ’s. Beauty is a social construct, it doesn't define me. There are days when I’m happier with my body than other but I accept it how it is, ugly or not.
*Beauty is a social construct which means you define it, it doesn’t define you. Those who say otherwise are wrong.
**In a friendly way. Mostly right after I wake up.
Sunday, 3 July 2016
New Job?!?!
Anyone who knows me knows I don’t vacation well. Strange for a lazy person but true. I think the max amount of time I go without either a job or school is about a week or two before I go mad. Work is how I relax, there’s nothing I like more than completing a job and being productive. The paycheck doesn’t hurt too ;).
Recently, like all college students, I had to ask myself the question: How am I going to make my degree profitable? A conversation with an alumni from my college gave me the idea of trying out a job in marketing/advertising. While my eventual goal is to be a writer and a filmmaker, I have to pay the bills before then. I looked around for marketing jobs and managed to land a great internship at a local advertising firm.
So far I’ve been here about two weeks but I’m learning a lot. I’ve helped write talking points and press releases, done research and even gone on shoots for ads. That’s not even touching on all the amazing stuff that’s still to come. I’ve had some really great jobs, but my co workers here are some really cool people who do some amazing work. Summer internships are a great way to test out different career options, even if you think they may be unrelated to your major. I’ve decided to take some classes in marketing in the fall to become more educated about the field. I can’t wait to see what next summer holds!
Monday, 20 June 2016
The G.A.T.E. question
"The government who gets rid of G.A.T.E. is a government that has decided to retire."
This was my attitude for years, an attitude which time has made me lose confidence in. G.A.T.E. is a government programme in Trinidad and Tobago which funds tertiary education for citizens. This leads to large number of T&T citizens staying in the country for college. On the other hand, this system has invited abuse in past years because of poor regulation. Instead of tightening controls, from what I can tell the programme has just become less accessible to people. Arbitrary rules and regulations have been set up with means students have to jump through hoops in order to receive funding for their education. While there is a need to make sure that G.A.T.E. funds are used appropriately, these regulations have made it harder for students to even get the funding. Students now even have difficulty getting funding if they want to switch programmes, and often G.A.T.E. pays students' tuition late.
While I do not receive G.A.T.E. funding myself, most of my knowledge of the troubles associated with G.A.T.E. come from the experiences of my friends and family. While successive governments have tried to make G.A.T.E. more efficient, their efforts have been like a bull in a china shop. There is huge concern right now that students are abusing G.A.T.E. funds and wasting taxpayers' dollars. The concern is valid, however their approach is worrying.
Suggestions have been made that the programmes and institutions which qualify for G.A.T.E. funding be reviewed, or a 50/50 loan programme be put in place. How do you judge which programmes deserve to get G.A.T.E. funding? Do the sciences and law get prioritised over humanities and the arts? With the rising cost of education, how much can students really provide towards tuition?
As a nation we've decided on certain national priorities, education being one of them. Funding is expensive, but the rewards are greater than the expense. A nation with more educated people is a nation whose citizens are more productive and are more perceptive. Regardless of the degree, when a person is educated that person is empowered. By deciding that education is right, not a privilege we decide that nothing can disqualify a citizen from that right and that systems will be designed to prevent abuse of that right. Delinquency is a huge problem that has to be dealt with. Making access to fund for education creates more problems than it does solutions, It can end up decreasing the number of people who can reap the benefits of the system.
This was my attitude for years, an attitude which time has made me lose confidence in. G.A.T.E. is a government programme in Trinidad and Tobago which funds tertiary education for citizens. This leads to large number of T&T citizens staying in the country for college. On the other hand, this system has invited abuse in past years because of poor regulation. Instead of tightening controls, from what I can tell the programme has just become less accessible to people. Arbitrary rules and regulations have been set up with means students have to jump through hoops in order to receive funding for their education. While there is a need to make sure that G.A.T.E. funds are used appropriately, these regulations have made it harder for students to even get the funding. Students now even have difficulty getting funding if they want to switch programmes, and often G.A.T.E. pays students' tuition late.
While I do not receive G.A.T.E. funding myself, most of my knowledge of the troubles associated with G.A.T.E. come from the experiences of my friends and family. While successive governments have tried to make G.A.T.E. more efficient, their efforts have been like a bull in a china shop. There is huge concern right now that students are abusing G.A.T.E. funds and wasting taxpayers' dollars. The concern is valid, however their approach is worrying.
Suggestions have been made that the programmes and institutions which qualify for G.A.T.E. funding be reviewed, or a 50/50 loan programme be put in place. How do you judge which programmes deserve to get G.A.T.E. funding? Do the sciences and law get prioritised over humanities and the arts? With the rising cost of education, how much can students really provide towards tuition?
As a nation we've decided on certain national priorities, education being one of them. Funding is expensive, but the rewards are greater than the expense. A nation with more educated people is a nation whose citizens are more productive and are more perceptive. Regardless of the degree, when a person is educated that person is empowered. By deciding that education is right, not a privilege we decide that nothing can disqualify a citizen from that right and that systems will be designed to prevent abuse of that right. Delinquency is a huge problem that has to be dealt with. Making access to fund for education creates more problems than it does solutions, It can end up decreasing the number of people who can reap the benefits of the system.
Friday, 17 June 2016
The Shepherd's Crown
I can't believe I forgot to write about this earlier but I finally read the last book of my favourite series. I put off reading Wikipedia articles and ran from all spoilers. Finally, I got a chance to read it. Coming home I had to buy some stuff for my mom and decided to get reading material for the plane at the same time. I had to restrain myself to stop myself from reading it between leaving college and the airport.
Reading The Shepherd's Crown was an emotional experience. Even though I still have several Discworld novels I haven't read, The Shepherd's Crown is the last that will be written. Years ago, because I was obsessed with Christmas, I picked Hogfather off the shelves. Anyone whose read it knows it is not the conventional Christmas story. Terry Pratchett was the first writer that really taught me that you don't have to follow any of the conventional rules of writing.
I won't include any spoilers for the book. The Shepherd's Crown is not the best Discworld book, but it's a fitting way to end the series, especially since one of the first Discworld books I read was a Tiffany Aching novel.
Sunday, 5 June 2016
Sunday Lunch
Sunday Lunch is a Trinbagonian tradition. It's a time where a people who could already cook better than anybody else really bring out their best. It's when a family of two cooks for a family of six (and then has to invite over enough people to eat the food). It's a time where cooks make old favourites ad experiment with new dishes. It's a time to relax, to lime, to explore and to enjoy.
One of my own Sunday lunch experiments with mummy
Sunday lunch is one of my favourite meals because food is one of my favourite things. I love to come up with new dishes to try out and see how they turn out. The come out right for the most part! After leaving church, we usually head to the grocery store then head back home to cook up a storm.
If you enjoy the Sunday lunch tradition I encourage you to share with others. The St. Vincent de Paul Society of Assumption church is always looking for volunteers to donate a boxed lunch to the less fortunate. Outside of this area, enquire with your local charities to see if they have any similar progammes.
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
My first year
When I was saying goodbye to all my friends before I left to get on the train that could take me away from my first year of college one of my friends said something that I didn't quite expect. She said:
Looking back, many tough things did happen in my first year. I spent both semesters stressed about my mother back at home, I worried about my grades and someone I cared about very much died while I was away. The friend who recognised these things was someone I'd told this to throughout the year. Yet, all these pressures didn't overcome me. Having friends like her really helped, they were there for me through everything. I guess the moral of this blog is when you're going through a tough time, depending on where you are and who you're with it can be a little easier.
"I'm so glad you came, I know you had a tough first year."This was so strange for me to hear because until she said that, I would have never though of it. So much happened during my first year, and a lot of it was really great. I got into a really great college, I made some amazing friends, I got the idea that what I want to study won't leave me broke and destitute for the rest of my life. I joined a sport (rowing) and actually gained muscle. I wrote and I completed my first solo film project. Leaving at the end of the first year, I was torn. I wanted desperately to come home and I desperately wanted to come back.
Looking back, many tough things did happen in my first year. I spent both semesters stressed about my mother back at home, I worried about my grades and someone I cared about very much died while I was away. The friend who recognised these things was someone I'd told this to throughout the year. Yet, all these pressures didn't overcome me. Having friends like her really helped, they were there for me through everything. I guess the moral of this blog is when you're going through a tough time, depending on where you are and who you're with it can be a little easier.
Wednesday, 6 May 2015
Decibel conference
On Friday I had an amazing opportunity to go to the Decibel conference. It's a two day conference, devoted to developing the arts in Trinidad and Tobago, followed by and expo (this year's theme was Zombie Island). Friday's theme was Film and Fashion. I went as a teacher with some students from my school.
My favourite panel was at the beginning of the conference, they brought together film directors, a fashion designer and a make-up artist. Although film was the most relevant to my interests, it was interesting to hear the stories of the other panellists to. Best advice I got from that panel: once you figure out what you want to do find or make any opportunity to work in that industry.
Another event I really enjoyed was the talk done by the Cinema Makeup School. They did this amazing zombie makeup as a demonstration, but even more amazing was their model, Bonnie G. She stayed in zombie character no matter what. Whether people were trying to take selfies with her or she was answering questions, or even having people getting a hug with a zombie, this girl never broke character. She is wonderful. While I'm more interested in doing directing/screenwriting, I wouldn't mind doing learning how to do makeup like them.
They also had amazing competitions for students and a guest appearance by Seryah McNeill.* It was interesting looking at this event from a teacher's perspective, rather than a student's. While I did get a good perspective on working on film in Trinidad, I saw so many talented students there. I am truly looking forward to the artistic future of Trinidad and Tobago.
*She is the world's biggest sweetheart.
Saturday, 2 May 2015
What happens when you binge watch
Binge watching is not a habit of mine. I lack the patience for it. Of course I also lack the patience for watching a new episode, but I get more instant gratification. However, when there's a series that's really, really good I'm unable to control myself. Two series have done that to me recently
Penny Dreadful
I don't know if you've seen Penny Dreadful but let me warn you, it is NOT a show you should binge watch, I don't think I'm the same after having watched it. I watched almost all in one go because I promised a friend I would try and help him understand it. We are still both slightly confused.
I really like the inclusion of Grande Guignol though. Over the top and bloody is just my style.
Verdict: Penny Dreadful is a very good show. It's got this wonderful taste for really gory horror, while acknowledging the worst monsters are those inside people. Also my love Billie Piper is there <3 <3
Orphan Black
Orphan Black is AH-MAH-ZING! There I said it. I tried watching it a couple months ago but I never finished the first episode. Last week I decided to try and finish it. I think it took me like three days, I am in love. It has all my favourite things: attempting to accurately portray relevant scientific concepts, amazing women and high levels of wit and snark.
Verdict: Sosososososo great. My fave clones are currently Helena and Cosima, my precious murder and science babies. Also Felix needs to get a brother of the year award. The characterisations is great the story is great and I'm so excited for season 3!
I saw the first two episodes of the new Orphan Black season and I am in love. My poor baby Helena, so far from her family. It'll be interesting to see the Castor clones, another group of self aware clones but raised for a different purpose
Penny Dreadful
I don't know if you've seen Penny Dreadful but let me warn you, it is NOT a show you should binge watch, I don't think I'm the same after having watched it. I watched almost all in one go because I promised a friend I would try and help him understand it. We are still both slightly confused.
I really like the inclusion of Grande Guignol though. Over the top and bloody is just my style.
Verdict: Penny Dreadful is a very good show. It's got this wonderful taste for really gory horror, while acknowledging the worst monsters are those inside people. Also my love Billie Piper is there <3 <3
Orphan Black
Orphan Black is AH-MAH-ZING! There I said it. I tried watching it a couple months ago but I never finished the first episode. Last week I decided to try and finish it. I think it took me like three days, I am in love. It has all my favourite things: attempting to accurately portray relevant scientific concepts, amazing women and high levels of wit and snark.
Verdict: Sosososososo great. My fave clones are currently Helena and Cosima, my precious murder and science babies. Also Felix needs to get a brother of the year award. The characterisations is great the story is great and I'm so excited for season 3!
I saw the first two episodes of the new Orphan Black season and I am in love. My poor baby Helena, so far from her family. It'll be interesting to see the Castor clones, another group of self aware clones but raised for a different purpose
Tuesday, 7 April 2015
College?!?!
For those of you who may not know. I was accepted to be part of Bryn Mawr College's Class of 2019!!!!! I am beyond excited.
The only downside is that I have so much to do to get ready. I have medical forms to fill out and get my visa. I only got my new passport on Tuesday
To help me and some future poor soul, here are some ways to prepare for college in the fall
Pinterest
Pinterest is a godsend. I have boards for my dorm room, for study tips and for general college life. Pinterest is currently my survival guide.
Follow Anushka's board Dorm on Pinterest.
Follow Anushka's board College on Pinterest.
HerCampus
HerCampus.com is a great resource for all incoming freshmen. They have amazing giveaways and advice for you during and even after your college life. They also have an amazing book coming out.
The only downside is that I have so much to do to get ready. I have medical forms to fill out and get my visa. I only got my new passport on Tuesday
To help me and some future poor soul, here are some ways to prepare for college in the fall
Pinterest is a godsend. I have boards for my dorm room, for study tips and for general college life. Pinterest is currently my survival guide.
Follow Anushka's board Dorm on Pinterest.
Follow Anushka's board College on Pinterest.
HerCampus
HerCampus.com is a great resource for all incoming freshmen. They have amazing giveaways and advice for you during and even after your college life. They also have an amazing book coming out.
HerCampus has given me ideas for dorm decoration, socialising on campus and how to use my degree to get a job in the future.*
Any tourism site about the area you're going to
For me that's VisitPhilly.com. It's a pretty cool website that even has a breakdown month by month of any events happening in the city.
I'm looking forward to going around and exploring the city!
Packing Lists
This is of uber-importance. Don't tell yourself that you're going to remember everything you need. That's a sure way to end up on the phone to your mom trying to describe to her the thing you need so she can send it to you before next week, when you have to have it by.
I'm making two lists. I'm planning on mailing the bulky stuff to myself and then packing light for the plain ride. Remember pack only essentials, most of the stuff you'll be able to buy once you get to college.
That's it form me for now, good luck Class of 2019!
* I might even start a HerCampus chapter at BMC, shhh....
Saturday, 4 April 2015
REVIEW: Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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Please excuse any gushing. Chimamanda Adichie is the queen of my heart.
Americanah tells the story of two Nigerians, Ifemelu and Obinze. They meet in high school, fall in loved and stay together in university. Nigeria is under military rule at this time, to escape the constant strikes at their university Ifemelu leaves to study in America. Obinze promises to follow soon. Instead, they are seperated for 13 years. When they reunite, Ifemelu has returned to Nigeria after running a successful race blog in America, while Obinze is married and had a child.
Americanah is a love story. Through all of Ifemelu and Obinze's faults, their trials and sucesses, part of you waits for the moment they reunite. Even stronger than Ifemeulu and Obinze's personal love story, is a love story for Nigeria. Ifemelu carries two things with her as she live in America, Obinze and Nigeria. Through all her blog entries, included when relevant in some of her chapters, is a sense she is writing her way home. While she becomes a savvy "Americanah"*, her blog makes sense of a world that was incomprehensible to her when she newly arrived. When she returns to Nigeria, part of her doesn't understand why, only that she must go back. Once she does, she is lost in the beginning. She soon starts another blog, writing her way back to Nigeria she knows.
All of Obinze's loves fail. Only his love for Ifemelu is strong enough in the end. He is the opposite of Ifemelu, he loved America but found that it was not when he expected when he arrived. He does not love his wife but is content with his life. Obinze spends much of the book having lost his way. While financially successful, most of his life seems only to be going through the motions. Unlike Ifemelu, instead of holding on to his convictions his worldview becomes gradually shaken up. Only when Ifemelu returns does he begin to rediscover who he really is.
Adichie also has masterful characterisation. Even the minor characters are shown with their own stories. Ifemelu spends six hours in a hair salon and by the end of it the reader feels as if they know her hairdresser as well as they know Ifemelu.
I loved Americanah. I stayed up until 1 a.m. reading it and didn't even realise it. READ THIS BOOK. If I haven't been enough to convince you of the power of Adichie's writing here's a review of her book Purple Hibiscus by a girl I was in class with:
"[I reached a certain part] and I flung the book across the room"**
*A term used for a Nigerian who goes to America and comes back in the novel. Please correct me if I'm wrong
** The good kind, the I don't know what to do with myself the author is so good kind
Thursday, 2 April 2015
"Caribbean" accent
"You're from the Caribbean? Isn't that like Jamaica?"
If you are from the Caribbean and have ever traveled outside, you have heard some variant of this. The first time you hear it you laugh it off and explain no, the Caribbean is an archipelago, made up of hundreds of islands. Yes some accents sound more similar than other but that's getting into phonetics.
The reason for this blog is that I just finished reading Americanah by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie.* In it the main character Ifemelu, describes her driver as having a "Caribbean accent". I have no beef with Adichie, throughout the novel she allows her characters, even minor ones, to keep their national identity. This one instance struck me as strange, perhaps because of that. What is the Caribbean accent? It feels like it belongs to members of the Caribbean diaspora. Those who have left band together in voice to remember the lyrical patterns of home.
It certainly is not something Caribbean people agree about. Tell a Trinidadian that they sound like a Jamaican and see the look you get. Most Caribbean people can generally guess where you are by your accent. Of course there is the general "Small islander accent."**
I don't expect anyone outside of the Caribbean to instantly know what island a Caribbean person by accent. I just want it to be known we are not a homogenous society of white sand beaches and palm trees. We are not just a vacation destination. Know who we are.
Bigger countries have no excuse anymore. America, you call us your backyard. And hey Britain, Spain and France! You colonised us for nearly 500 years, learn our names.
*Spoiler alert: It was fantastic like all her books are , I'll be posting a review later.
** I am so so sorry I am an arrogant Trinidadian bastard.
If you are from the Caribbean and have ever traveled outside, you have heard some variant of this. The first time you hear it you laugh it off and explain no, the Caribbean is an archipelago, made up of hundreds of islands. Yes some accents sound more similar than other but that's getting into phonetics.
The reason for this blog is that I just finished reading Americanah by Chimanda Ngozi Adichie.* In it the main character Ifemelu, describes her driver as having a "Caribbean accent". I have no beef with Adichie, throughout the novel she allows her characters, even minor ones, to keep their national identity. This one instance struck me as strange, perhaps because of that. What is the Caribbean accent? It feels like it belongs to members of the Caribbean diaspora. Those who have left band together in voice to remember the lyrical patterns of home.
It certainly is not something Caribbean people agree about. Tell a Trinidadian that they sound like a Jamaican and see the look you get. Most Caribbean people can generally guess where you are by your accent. Of course there is the general "Small islander accent."**
I don't expect anyone outside of the Caribbean to instantly know what island a Caribbean person by accent. I just want it to be known we are not a homogenous society of white sand beaches and palm trees. We are not just a vacation destination. Know who we are.
Bigger countries have no excuse anymore. America, you call us your backyard. And hey Britain, Spain and France! You colonised us for nearly 500 years, learn our names.
*Spoiler alert: It was fantastic like all her books are , I'll be posting a review later.
** I am so so sorry I am an arrogant Trinidadian bastard.
Thursday, 1 January 2015
New Year????
Honestly I am not feeling the New Year Spirit this year. Resolutions have never been my thing, I didn't go out, and I was bogged down with essays. I wouldn't know it was the new year if the calender on my computer didn't say so.
BUT I do have an idea for what I want for this year, or an affirmation as my dad would say.
2k14 was the year of loving my self. I'm going to keep that up but I'm also going to spread that to others this year as well. 2k15 will be the year of giving of myself, as much as I am able.
Also I know college applications are due soon. Good luck to everybody who applied and all the best for the new year!
BUT I do have an idea for what I want for this year, or an affirmation as my dad would say.
2k14 was the year of loving my self. I'm going to keep that up but I'm also going to spread that to others this year as well. 2k15 will be the year of giving of myself, as much as I am able.
Also I know college applications are due soon. Good luck to everybody who applied and all the best for the new year!
Saturday, 6 December 2014
Where I've been the past few weeks
So I've been AWOl for the past few weeks, both for good and bad reasons. Here are a few highlights from my past couple months:
That's all for now, I should have a new blog out next week. This one will be a story I've been working on and off for the past couple months. **
Don't think I forgot, It's almost Christmas.
Christmas gift recommendation: Pan! Our Musical Odyssey is fantastic local film. It delves into the rich history of pan and gives you a crash course in what pan means to the history of Trinidad and Tobago. You can buy it online here.
Also I've relaunched my blog Trini Christmas is... Check it out when you get the chance!
Christmas song:
This song always give me chills
Tchau!
*Stage crew is the best crew
**Mostly off
- trinidad+tobago film festival
- Phantom of the Opera
- TTSPCA
That's all for now, I should have a new blog out next week. This one will be a story I've been working on and off for the past couple months. **
Don't think I forgot, It's almost Christmas.
Christmas gift recommendation: Pan! Our Musical Odyssey is fantastic local film. It delves into the rich history of pan and gives you a crash course in what pan means to the history of Trinidad and Tobago. You can buy it online here.
Also I've relaunched my blog Trini Christmas is... Check it out when you get the chance!
Christmas song:
This song always give me chills
Tchau!
*Stage crew is the best crew
**Mostly off
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Getting over disappointment
So as as upper secondary level Caribbean students will know, C.A.P.E. results came out this Sunday. And I didn't do as well as I hoped. I did well but not absolutely stunning like I wanted. So this blog is going to sound a little weird because my disappointment may be a tad unjustified.
Here are my tips for getting over disappointment
The plan for today is writing, makeup tutorials and studying for SAT's. I hope everybody else is having a nice lazy Saturday like me (or at least a nice Saturday if you're not into that kind of thing.
Here are my tips for getting over disappointment
- Distract yourself: Do you something you like doing and that make you happy. Watch the episode of that TV Show you missed, cook something, listen to music. Anything that you like that you think will take your mind off it.
- Talk to your friends: Your friends will voluntarily listen to you for hours complain about how things didn't work out. Just make sure not to overdo it.
- Reward yourself: You tried, even if you didn't succeed that's something.
The plan for today is writing, makeup tutorials and studying for SAT's. I hope everybody else is having a nice lazy Saturday like me (or at least a nice Saturday if you're not into that kind of thing.
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